Jerk from Coldplay

I was watching E! today. Can you believe that Gwyneth Paltrow married some jerk from Coldplay? I can't.

First of all, that band sucks. I can't tell the difference between Coldplay, Snow Patrol, or Ski School. All of those crappy bands sound the same, and remind me of Garden State, and shit like that.

Secondly, you should never marry a guy in some popular band. Sure, today he is on MTV2, but tomorrow he'll just be the old bass player from Kajagoogoo. That jerk from Coldplay will be on "Putting On The Hits" in no time flat.

Thirdly, it is quite possible that he's into kiddy porn. Let's look at some statistics, shall we? How many British rockers have been busted for having child pornography on their computers? Two, Pete Townsend and Gary Glitter (that is just the few who have been caught!) And how many American rockers have been busted for such an offense? Exactly.... NONE! Get it? The statistics don't lie.
So, am I saying that the dude from Coldplay is into kids? No, not exactly. But why take the chance?

PROS: Absolutely None Whatsoever.
CONS: Band is boring and sucks, guy is a total jerk- off, probably into Kiddie Porn, kid's is named Apple